100 words

It’s embarrassing to confess that I spent over an hour this morning writing a mere 100 words. I had to write an abstract (potted summary) of a paper that has been accepted into a maths education journal, and it was hard work getting a nice clear succinct digest of the earth-shattering brilliance that awaits the reader who ventures beyond this first 100 words. Grant applications are even worse: it always takes ages to come up with the 100 word summaries that are required, not least because you fear that success might stand or fall on your erudition.

When I finished my PhD (many moons ago), I had to submit a two sentence summary to be read at graduation. It struck me as being ridiculous to summarise 7 years’ work and 150 pages of thesis in just two sentences (hmmm, 22 pages a year doesn’t seem very productive!!! (to be fair, I was enrolled only part-time)). After checking to see that my poetic license hadn’t expired, my sense of the mildly absurd kicked in and I composed a piece of doggerel that I thought might work well as my graduation citation.

Botanists will study trees
When they are doing PhD’s;
Physicists will look at stars,
Zoologists keep things in jars,
Geologists collect their rocks,
Engineers like building blocks,
Chemists make a mighty stink,
While mathematicians just sit and think.

I submitted this to the Head of Department, together with a two sentence sensible version, which I was sure would be even less comprehensible than the poem to the general audience at a graduation ceremony (and I agonised over the composition of this sensible version for hours, whereas the rhyme was pretty much written in ten minutes). In the end the sensible version was read out. I’m not sure if this is because the Head of Department chickened out of being whimsical, or because the verse was only one sentence long instead of the recommended two!

PS Yes, I know this post contains more than 100 words (when it comes right down to it, so does the abstract I wrote this morning … although by only one word!)